(and my birthday, which falls shortly after Christmas)
- The tea stains off my two front teeth.
- Elvis Costello cd's, including "My Aim is True," "Get Happy!" "Imperial Bedroom," "Trust," and "The Delivery Man."
- [REDACTED]
- The final Harry Potter book to come out so I can gloat when most of my predictions about it are true.
- Good mental health.
- A scarf.
- [REDACTED]
- Whatever the best Jay-Z cd is.
- All the white evangelicals to realize how inherently racist it is to wish for a return to America's glory days of the pre-1950s.
- For said evangelicals to realize how inherently silly it is to believe that God guides American history and that He/She/It speaks directly to them.
- A good Hold Steady cd.
- The ability to eat the apples I buy and not forget about them, letting them rot into softness next to the stove.
- Nothing pony-related. (Take heed, bro and sister-in-law.)
- An academy award for Borat.
- More email, less junk email.
- [REDACTED]
Updated- A new pair of jeans.
- Less back pain.
- Really stylish hair, but just for about a month.
- Underwear. Well, only from my wife.
- Functional government.
- [REDACTED]
- Funnier running jokes.
- A new laptop.
- A working knowledge of a foreign language.
- Cable television without the addiction to bad television.
- Funkytown's football team to make it to the NFL playoffs. (This would be funnier if they weren't an NFL team.)
- Bill Maher to realize that a comedian wearing a suit is still merely a comedian.
- For said comedian to realize that his one-liners aren't that great, that few comedians use one-liners anymore, that smirking when you reach the one-liner doesn't make it funny.
- To ease up a bit on people like Bill Maher and direct my energy elsewhere. Like Deadspin.
- Coffee, without the shakes.
Updated again- A one-credit course for all incoming undergraduates on how to use the fucking bathroom, including the normalcy of using a urinal, the good reasons not to pee on the seat, and how to flush.
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